U-Turn Blog Compendium

2011 Reviewed

2011-12-31T08:07:00.001-08:00

2011 - This year began with a vasectomy and ended with an upper respiratory infection.
But everything in between was pretty great.

Dr. Poon: The man who vasectomized me.

Down There by the Train

2011-12-19T08:25:00.000-08:00

Revisiting the train tracks of San Bernardino.

Jonnie VS Train: the Rematch. Photo courtesy of Sandra.

San Bernardino tracks.

Sandralein.

New Printer

2011-12-09T08:18:00.000-08:00

Testing the new printer we got at work.

Stooges

2011-12-05T08:10:00.000-08:00

Saw Iggy & the Stooges this year.

The events of the day leading up to the show were not ideal, but the show itself was fantastic. I did have to replace a sweater after wearing it into the mosh pit that night, but it was totally worth it.

I'm a Backer, Part II

2011-11-25T09:57:00.001-08:00

There will be a Harvey Pekar statue in the Cleveland Public Library.

A worthy project. Even more so than the Robocop statue.

Caffeinated Suckers

2011-08-19T15:01:00.000-07:00

My shipment of caffeine-infused suckers has arrived.

Are You Hungry Tonight?

2011-08-15T07:59:00.000-07:00

Found this treasure on Barnes & Nobles' discount rack:

It's a book of Elvis' favorite recipes and it's kind of funny because they are generally really basic dishes, nothing you would typically need a recipe book for.

Such as:

And apparently Elvis liked to eat an entire plate full of mashed potatoes.

Found in the Library

2011-08-15T07:49:00.000-07:00

Dance of the Snake Charmer

2011-08-11T10:01:00.000-07:00

Return of Tuesday Food Trucks

2011-08-03T14:49:00.000-07:00

The food trucks have returned to Lake Forest for their weekly Tuesday night appearance in the bowling alley parking lot. It's great to have them back.

And where have they been?

Two of them have been participating in the latest season of The Great Food Truck Race on Food Network.

Seabirds.
Lime Truck.
I don't know who to root for, Seabirds or the Lime Truck. They're both great.
Guess I'll just root for O.C.

Old World

2011-06-27T14:36:00.000-07:00

Old World German Village in Huntington Beach:

Me with the Old World van:

Tribute to the glory of the Landjäger, a dried smoked German sausage:

Volleyballers

2011-06-19T07:10:00.000-07:00

Alright! Vollyball season is here!

Today I Bought

2011-06-18T07:26:00.000-07:00

Arrogant Bastard pint glasses:

San Clemente

2011-06-18T07:03:00.000-07:00

Self Protrait

2011-06-05T07:56:00.000-07:00

How I look in the morning.
Pretty awesome.

Postcard from London

2011-06-01T07:53:00.000-07:00

ISC Ferris Wheel Trilogy

2011-05-03T08:00:00.000-07:00

Naked on Rollerskates, the Poster

2011-04-29T09:00:00.000-07:00

At last, that iconic image is now displayed in our home (in the downstairs bathroom):

Hi Guys!

2011-04-28T08:58:00.000-07:00

Uncle Jon's Visit, 2011

2011-04-23T08:50:00.000-07:00

While we did not attend Adult Con, we did have a lot of fun:

[Click image to view more photos]

Adult Con of L.A.

2011-04-22T15:00:00.000-07:00

One thing we did not do during Jon Sr.'s visit is patronize L.A.'s Adult Con. I offered, but nobody took me up on it; which was fine because Adult Con is not really a family-type event anyway.

I do like this promotional photo of a bunch Adultcon participants photographing a woman's ass. Where else could you do that but at Adult Con?

Bus Stop Altercation

2011-04-22T13:06:00.000-07:00

Altercation witnessed by Albert at the bus stop:

Lady #1: "Hit me!"

Lady #2: [Punches Lady #1 hard in the face]

Lady #1: "Hit me again, bitch!"

Lady #2: [Punches first lady hard in the face again]

Lady #1: "Go ahead! Hit me again!"

Lady #2: [Punches first lady hard in the face a third time]

Lady #1: [cries]

Here's a video re-creation:

My Favorite Sign

2011-04-16T08:37:00.000-07:00

Uncle Jon's Missouri Deer Sticks

2011-03-31T07:34:00.000-07:00

Tazah, Honey with Nuts

2011-03-20T11:15:00.000-07:00

I confess I bought this product entirely for its awesome label.

My Thoughts on Skateboarding

2011-03-18T11:19:00.000-07:00

My first video response to a Facebook question:
"What are your thoughts on skateboarding?"

I hope it is enlightening.

Dancing to the Litter Box

2011-03-17T11:39:00.000-07:00

Photo by Sandra.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

2011-03-17T08:20:00.000-07:00

Sperm Sample

2011-03-04T11:53:00.000-08:00

These are only useful to the lab for 30 minutes after production.

I wasn't sure I'd feel comfortable producing this in the lab restroom and I definitely didn't want to risk producing it in the parking lot outside the lab; so I produced it at home then drove real fast to the lab.

Made it, with 10 minutes to spare.

Rejected Online Avatar Pictures

2011-03-02T09:52:00.000-08:00

Icons I have considered using to represent myself on Social networking sites and message boards; but have then decided not to.

I'm a Backer

2011-02-20T07:26:00.000-08:00

Detroit Needs a Statue of Robocop

Answer Line

2011-02-01T10:19:00.000-08:00

The time has come.

Craig of Craigslist

2010-12-18T07:53:00.000-08:00

I found this old chestnut the other day while going through a folder of saved images. It is Craig from Craigslist speaking at a function I attended in 2007.

I just happened to have the original un-doctored image on a flash drive at work when a customer asked me about Picnik's online photo editor. I wanted to test the application and the image of Craig was all I had handy.

After adding some frivolous objects to the image through Picnik, I accidentally overwrote the original, so now this is how I'll remember Craig's speech:

Can you guess which elements were not original?

Me

2010-12-17T12:07:00.000-08:00

As photographed by Sandra.

Happy Thanksgiving, Solomon Grundy!

2010-11-25T11:26:00.001-08:00

Digital Kilbuck

2010-11-24T10:34:00.000-08:00

We bought a wii for ourselves as an early xmas present and we're really enjoying it.

While making a selection of mii characters, we whipped up a Donald Kilbuck mii:

The resemblance is extraordinary.

Day of the Dead

2010-11-17T12:02:00.000-08:00

Santa Ana, Nov. 2010.
Photo by Sandra.

Charo, 2010

2010-09-15T09:06:00.000-07:00

New pics of Charo from 2010's Jerry Lewis Telethon:

Warming up.

The audience is hypnotized.

Going full blast.

Jerry himself is in awe.

Cabbage Soup!

2010-08-10T10:42:00.000-07:00

A Notable OC Intersection

2010-07-08T10:39:00.000-07:00

The intersection of Antonio and Banderas streets:

Happy Father's Day

2010-06-20T10:45:00.000-07:00

Uncle Jon with the sword-handled barbecue fork I got for him.

G-ville's own super hero.

Lil Mort

2010-04-25T11:06:00.000-07:00

We've just installed a shelf for displaying Koop's Lil' Mort vinyl figure.

We are displaying it in our living room for maximum visibility.

Secret HQ

2010-04-18T11:10:00.000-07:00

L.A.'s Secret Headquarters packs your comics purchases into the greatest free paper bag I've ever seen:

Inspiring.

Fry Marination

2010-03-20T09:27:00.000-07:00

An idea whose time has come?

Dried Rabbit Feet

2010-03-10T09:32:00.000-08:00

We found this sinister looking item at our local pet store and had to buy it immediately:

Dried Rabbit Feet.

Close up.
According to the store owner, the cats will eat these grisly little treats, but we found that four out of four of ours were not into them at all.

Oh, well. I guess we won't buy the bag of dried rabbit ears either.

Dic

2010-02-05T07:02:00.001-08:00

Congratulations to Furfur!

2009-12-31T15:39:00.000-08:00

He passed his feline AIDS test this afternoon!

What's New with Donald Kilbuck?

2009-08-11T19:09:00.000-07:00

From a recent email:

Real bad couph! And by Thursday i should have everything under the weather GONE!
I done vomited outside the library.

It's sunny here, and that Lawrence and Vicky and their puppy lab, They r not a bother and that they don't drink.Harold is doing alright.

I cut my own hair today, and mowed it like a MONK hairstyle.
Saved me $20.00 bucks.

New House!

2009-08-04T11:31:00.000-07:00

We've moved! To a house!

Read all about it at Jonnie & Sandra are Moving...Again.

Memories of Michael Jackson

2009-06-26T16:22:00.000-07:00

Donald Kilbuck recalls the late Michael Jackson -

You have to use sunshades just to watch Thriller and i was thinking what i thought of Michael's death.

i tried to buy one of his movies w/ George Harrison one of the Beatles, but i couldn't get the VISA to go through! That was long time ago. Is that a song? Long time ago.

His death one could die, just by doing a simple cough.

Too soon for his concert he didn't do. Planning ahead isn't always a thing to do - might not do anything. Like a planned walk that didn't happen for me.

Thriller a ride of u're life, watching on the tube on acid. Rainbow colors and all the deep thoughts of the sun growing into a fireball!

(Copy and pasted from a recent email correspondance)

Twitter Archive

2009-05-14T11:17:00.000-07:00

I set up a Twitter account briefly in 2007, then soon forgot about it. I recently found my old username and decided to revisit the account to see what I had to say back on '07.

I tweeted under the name "David Van Buren", which was my porn name (Middle Name + Name of the street you grew up on).

Below is my entire Twitter history. It documents my move from Santa Ana to Laguna Niguel. Read from the bottom up if you want the chronological experience:

* Growling
         10:29 AM Aug 16th, 2007 from web

* Drinking water
         6:42 AM Aug 14th, 2007 from web

* Groovin
         4:40 PM Jul 16th, 2007 from web

* Movin
         4:40 PM Jul 16th, 2007 from web

* We just moved the cats
         4:40 PM Jul 16th, 2007 from web

* I'm moving.
         4:40 PM Jul 16th, 2007 from web

* Rollin' Rollin' Rollin'
         10:57 AM Jul 6th, 2007 from web

* Getting the ball rolling
         8:50 PM Jun 27th, 2007 from web

* Breakfast (chicken enchiladas)
         8:43 AM Jun 23rd, 2007 from web

* Radio, listening to the
         1:44 PM Jun 21st, 2007 from web

* Radio
         1:43 PM Jun 21st, 2007 from web

* Vinegar!
         11:51 AM Jun 21st, 2007 from web

* Hey, lunch!
         11:22 AM Jun 21st, 2007 from web

* Changing my dsl and phone service to new address
         10:30 AM Jun 21st, 2007 from web

* adding twitter gadget to my iGoogle page
         10:28 AM Jun 21st, 2007 from web

* Morning coffee
         6:33 AM Jun 21st, 2007 from web

* So I think I can dance
         9:16 PM Jun 20th, 2007 from web

* Titty twister!
         6:29 PM Jun 20th, 2007 from web

* Twitter
         3:07 PM Jun 20th, 2007 from web

* oh, twitter.
         1:43 PM Jun 20th, 2007 from web

* The wife is on her way home. I will make some dinner.
         1:43 PM Jun 20th, 2007 from web

* I need an aspirin.
         12:12 PM Jun 20th, 2007 from web

* Petting my cat
         12:11 PM Jun 20th, 2007 from web

* Posting on blogs. Might eat something soon.
         12:11 PM Jun 20th, 2007 from web

* AAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
         9:49 AM Jun 20th, 2007 from web

* This is retarded.
         9:48 AM Jun 20th, 2007 from web

* Just washed my hands after making a sandwich.
         9:48 AM Jun 20th, 2007 from web

* Exploring twitter. Heard all about it. I have 2 days off while I'm between jobs, so today was a good day to do this.
          9:41 AM Jun 20th, 2007 from web

Things I've Learned Hanging Around with Donald Kilbuck

2009-04-14T13:08:00.000-07:00

1.) Always look at the ground when you're walking around in a public area because people often drop money.

2.)

OK. I guess that's about it.

Free Books!

2009-03-23T09:48:00.000-07:00

March's recreational reading list - All books obtained for free from the local public library.

Ask the Dust by John Fante	Examining Pop Culture - Comic Books (hardcover edition) by David M. Haugen (Editor)
Iron Man vs. Doctor Doom: Doomquest by David Michelinie, Bob Layton, John Romita Jr.	The Family: The Real Story of the Bush Dynasty by Kitty Kelley
Yes You Can: Timeless Advice from Self-Help Experts by Jennifer McKnight-Trontz	Guide to Getting It On, 5th Edition by Paul Joannides

Garfield Minus Garfield by Jim Davis With a Foreword by Dan Walsh, creator of Garfield Minus Garfield.net

Entertainment

2009-03-20T09:51:00.000-07:00

Ramen Eaters

2009-02-22T07:54:00.001-08:00

While in Irvine yesterday, we visited our favorite ramen restaurant - Ajisen Ramen.

Spicy Beef Broth.
Ajisen is so fresh and delicious, we visit them exclusively whenever we're in town. As much as we'd like to drop by some of the other local establishments, we always need our Anjisen fix more.

Where the magic happens.
This must say, "Ajisen".
The first thing you see when you walk through the door is Ajisen's delightful mascot:

Welcome!
Traditionally, the hostess will then yell a greeting at you, which always catches us off guard. The first time you visit it startles you, then the next time it seems very welcoming.

The waiting area features selected ramen bowls from the past, going back to the 1970s:

Artifacts: Ramen bowls of the past.
But the whole reason for being there is the quality of the food. The spicy beef bowl features big tender chunks of what seems like pot-roasted beef in a broth like none I've ever experienced.

Spicy beef.
Best of all is the noodles - fresh flavor, nothing at all like the ramen that got me through college.

Danke, Ajisen!

Truck stop Memorial

2009-02-20T10:11:00.000-08:00

The town where I grew up used to have a badass truck stop, but like many great relics of the past, it has been torn down and replaced by a CVS drugstore.

I only have one picture from the truck stop, and it is actually facing away from the building, so it doesn't go far at all in capturing a memory of the place. It is just my brother and I standing in a dirt parking lot in the rain (becoming mud).

The Gil Bros., standing in a dirt lot in front of the truck stop circa 1994.
The truck stop's dirt lot was enormous though. Probably a bigger piece of property than what our school was sitting on. It requires an awful lot of space to accommodate a bunch of big rigs.

Greatest Truck stop Memories:

1. Table-side Jukeboxes - Each booth was equipped with a small coin-operated jukebox. You could flip through, identify the song you wanted to hear, put in a quarter, punch in that song's number and you were good to go (though the songs were all queued and managed from a central location, so you might have to wait a good 20 minutes before your song came on. I think they must have been using a vinyl singles system because each selection had a less popular B-side as an option. I remember playing lots of good Hank Williams Jr. and Conway Twitty. Since it was the '80s, they also had Whitney Houston, I guess in the interests of variety.

2. Coffee - In the late '80s - early '90s, high school kids weren't into coffee at all. Before the rise of Starbucks and similar establishments, coffee was entirely an adult pursuit in the midwest. The truck stop's coffee was pretty good and they would keep your cup full all day. My brother used to meet friends there before school for coffee and I always thought that was pretty funny, like they were mocking adults. Kids meeting for coffee is totally normal these days though.

3. Sprawling Layout - Two big smoke-filled dining areas with a coffee bar on one side and a long glass counter on the other. The counter held the busy cash register, but it was also full of extraneous crap for sale. I remember lots of cigarette lighters, novelty hats, sun visors, knick-knacks, flash lights; pretty much anything you'd find in a garage.

4. Video Games - At one end of the Truckstop, next to the restrooms, there were always about 10 stand-up video game machines. I spent quite a bit of time there. They also had a change machine.

5. Pornographic Paperbacks - They only had these for a short time but I remember them well. Next to the video games, there was a book rack full of non-illustrated dirty paperbacks. They didn't keep them around for more than a couple months. People probably complained the only place for a book rack was right next to the video game area where all the kids would hang out. I think I shoplifted a couple, but they weren't very interesting since they weren't illustrated. I don't remember any of the specific titles, I remember something about a girl named Virginia, like, "Dirty Virginia" or something of that nature. Also a book about horny tennis players. I tried reading them, but they didn't keep my interest, even though they were pretty explicit.

6. Restrooms - The truck stop had great restrooms. Next to the sink there was a coin operated machine which dispensed rubbers, matchbook sized guides to various sexual positions, and an assortment of men's colognes. The toilet stalls had some world class graffiti. There was a guy who called himself "Muff Diver", who used to write stuff in there regularly. I also remember, Ass, Gas, or Grass. Nobody rides for free.

7. Chili Cheeseburger - This was a cheeseburger drowned in a few ladels full of chili. The burger was smothered. Your only option was to eat it with a fork. It came served on an enormous platter.

Good ol' truck stop. It was twice as great when I started smoking. They'd let you sit in there and smoke and drink coffee all day long if you wanted to.

One Cent Awesome

2009-02-07T07:45:00.001-08:00

If you think a penny won't buy anything these days, you're wrong.

Amazon sells plenty of used books for just one cent (plus shipping charges).

Today's pick is:

You may be pretty cool, but if you want to be awesome in these uncertain times, you should buy your copy today.

This item is categorized as a teen book, but I'm sure the information within would benefit anybody.

New This Year

2009-02-05T08:16:00.000-08:00

Introducing our new triple-towered cat wonderland:

Ideally we would like to see all three cats filling all three towers, but so far, Machete and Stanley Wood are the only ones who use it. Tiggi won't go anywhere near the tree. He has made our bed his home-base since day one.

The new cat structure in a multi-levelled extravaganza. Complete with two separate enclosed compartments on two separate levels. It's like a little cat village.

In other news, we've joined Anchor's Chip of the Month Club. Six bags of chips from various states of the nation delivered to our door every month. Life is good.

In January, we even received a bag of "German Style" chips from Bacher's in Missouri:

German-style chips.
We couldn't figure out what was distinctly German about them (Sandra is from Germany and has never come across anything similar), but they were delicious.

So far, the year is off to a great start.

First Trophy of the Year

2009-01-31T07:50:00.000-08:00

I won this in a balloon blowing contest last week -

It's an alligator helmet made from balloons. Pretty cool, but our cats hate it.

I didn't think they'd recognize it as an animal, but they sure do and they're terrified of it. They see it as a predator. Must be the big alligator eyes.

Donald Kilbuck on Health, Diet, & Fitness

2009-01-24T04:54:00.000-08:00

Donald sent me the following insight via email:

Wildfires Affecting Your Thoughts? Vision? Hairdo?

Aged feelings? U should see some people around me.
Weight Control is all over this Ocean on earth. Just don't tip the canoe.

My thoughts are when i was in a canoe, and some white dudes came swimming up to my canoe. God Help Us trim down! Amen!

Drink Power Drinks to the maximum! Thoughts into the sky with visions! Hairdo! Cut all your hair! Sun tan the skin!

Yeah!

My First Monster Jam

2009-01-19T09:11:00.001-08:00

Monster Jam recently came to Anaheim Angels Stadium and I thought it was high time I checked it out. Even though I didn't know anything about it, I've always loved the hysterical TV commercials and I just think anyone who calls themselves an American should attend at least one Monster Jam in their life. As it turns out, the event completely surpassed my expectations. I am now a diehard fan.

That is pure joy in my eyes.
I initially went for the curiosity factor, but Monster Jam was so much cooler than I ever imagined. Each monster truck is like a different character - one of them looked like a triceratops dinosaur and was called Jurassic Attack. It turns out Sandra used to watch Monster Jam on TV in Germany, so she was already into it. In fact, her favorite vehicle (the Gravedigger) was going to be there in Anaheim.

Jurassic Attack.
The first part of the event consisted of the trucks all racing against each other and jumping over parked cars as obstacles. The two stars were Gravedigger and Maximum Destruction and Gravedigger (our favorite) won the entire event.

Gravedigger takes the trophy!
The second part of the show was called "freestyle" and it was awesome. The trucks came out one at a time and drove the hell out of themselves until they fell apart. It was just a huge spectacle of carnage. I went hoarse from yelling.

Running the wheels off.
Gravedigger happened to win that round too. He lost a wheel but managed to drive around on his back wheels at high speed anyway. Great night for the Gravedigger, great night for Nacho & Sandra.

Here's a YouTube clip somebody posted which captured Gravedigger's freestyle. At about 18 seconds, he loses a wheel but keeps driving anyway. Pretty badass.

This is a clip posted by somebody else. On our clip, you can here me yelling, "U.S.A! U.S.A!" at the point where he starts driving on three wheels.

Here's where Gravedigger's missing wheel ultimately ended up:

Gravedigger's wheel.
Well, it was a sweep for the Gravedigger that night. Sandra and I were proud. He won both events. After the show, we went over to check out the wreckage:

Gravedigger's Wreckage.
Sandra salutes Gravedigger.
Yeah, Monster Jam! Yeah, Freestyle!! Yeah, Vehicular Carnage!!
I'm a total enthusiast now.

We even got there an hour early and they had midget car races for pre-show entertainment. I can't wait for them to return to SoCal.

The G-Ville Chronicles

2009-01-14T09:19:00.000-08:00

G-ville: Selected Messageboard Posts 2001-2008.
With forwards by AmyJo and Donald Kilbuck:

Order your copy today.

Season of the Nog

2008-12-10T18:56:00.000-08:00

Costco buy of the month - Pennsylvania Dutch Spiked Egg Nog. In addition to egg nog, it contains Rum, Brandy, and "Blended Whisky".

I love this stuff. I can't stay out of it.

Nog by the tree.
This is what I look like when I'm noggin' -

U-Turn is noggin'.
58 stars out of ten!

Cat Bowling

2008-11-16T18:51:00.000-08:00

What I'm into these days is bowling while wearing a black panther mask:

Bowling in a black panther mask.
It's great!

My father indulged me on a recent visit:

U-Turn Sr.
I'd like to start a bowling team where we all wear black panther masks and when we walk into the bowling alley, the "Crazy 88" theme from Kill Bill I would play.

The Last Words of Cookie

2008-08-30T18:48:00.000-07:00

[From RW...BS]

This is the last known recording of Cookie before she left the West Coast.
It includes her final assessment of the RW...BS! with additional thoughts on Guam and some speculation about groceries and peaches or pennies.

Found in a Public Place

2008-08-13T18:47:00.000-07:00

Earlier this week, Cookie and I noticed a newspaper laying out in a public area. When Cookie picked it up to throw it away, she took a closer look: The classifieds were opened up to the "Roommates" section and there was a note attached.

The note read:
ECLIPE
SUNATA
WE HAVE
AN ORGY
NOT SILENT
TALKING
RIGHTS ETC.
Apparently somebody was trying to arrange something, but I can't figure it out.

Any theories?

Monkey Tray

2008-08-11T18:42:00.000-07:00

Check out this porcelain monkey tray I got!

It's currently stationed in the center of our living room, but I fear it won't remain in such a prominent spot for very long. My wife, Sandra, is less than enchanted with it.

From the Right.
From the Left.
Handsome Features.
I think I'll only keep wrapped items(like candy or rubbers)in this tray though because this monkey comes with a warning sticker:

Made in China
Not for food use.
May poison food.
For decoration purpose only.

Going Digital

2008-08-09T18:41:00.000-07:00

RLB's Gradual Transformation into a Digital Media Enthusiast

I was introduced to the fun of networked computers by Germans. When I was in college in 1991, I thought computers were only good for word processing until a German professor of mine required us to set up email accounts for a class. Required! I really drug my feet on this, I just didn't see the necessity. Still, I used email and posted on some messageboards for that class then never thought about it again until a German classmate of mine (who was in my Chinese class at the time) asked me if I had an email account one day. I vaguely recalled that I did and through him I learned about the social value of email and chatting. It was fun, even though our chatting was limited to the campus area. Indiana University was using a VAX network at the time and would not connect to the Internet until the year after I graduated.

So anyway, I'd like to thank the Germans for getting my feet wet.

After college I went to Alaska, spending the mid-1990s in the rural Alaskan Bush. There were no roads leading out there, you had to fly in by plane (or you could take a barge in the summer). They did have cable TV though, so even though there was no Internet, we kept hearing all about how great it was. At first it seemed like a fad. I basically thought they were just talking about email and I thought people were acting a little bit over-enthusiastic about it. Then you'd read articles about kids making bombs from instructions they acquired over the Internet.

A few years down the road, the World Wide Web was mainstream (and it was known as the "Information Super-Highway" haha), but I still had no idea how to use a browser. I had relocated to Anchorage and found the Internet was readily available at the University there, so I was able to educate myself.

About a year later, I bought my first computer and started studying computer science (until I gave it up out of boredom).

My brother was working on a digital scanning project for the campus library at that time and one day he showed me how the scanner worked, which amazed me. He scanned a random comic book image I had with me and then showed me how easily you could add text. I've saved that image to this very day. This is it, in fact:

Fuck You, Apeface!
I realized that, while I didn't have my own scanner, I did have image editing capabilities on my own computer. So I made this classic:

Jesus Has Joined the Workforce.
I think the original text read, "Jesus is the Force"; but I thought this was better (even though I did a piss poor job of blending the background colors.

I found a couple more heavily pixelated images from this era as well. I only vaguely remember captioning this one:

The Wonderful World of Sobriety.
Then one time, me and my brother were having a "caption this picture" contest. The winner would have their caption added to the image and would receive a printed copy.
My brother's caption won:

Is There Poop On My Cape, Ladies?
After that, there was just no contest between analog and digital media as far as I was concerned.

Cookie: An Introduction

2008-08-08T18:33:00.000-07:00

[From RW...BS]

There was a slight problem with this interview: I was standing at a distance in order to include the background scenery, but it was apparently not an ideal microphone distance. As a result, my voice is really loud while Cookie's is very quiet, so it is best to turn up your volume when listening. Unfortunately, some fantastic sound bites were not included because they were inaudible.

Please leave any further questions in the comments. Any follow-up interviews will be conducted at a more microphone-friendly distance.

RLB's Good Advice, Part 1

2008-08-02T18:39:00.000-07:00

When working with children and teenagers, you will be much more effective and if you wear a Naruto mask:

Russian hat

2008-07-24T15:43:00.000-07:00

I worked & lived in the Alaskan Bush for a number of years (before they had Internet) and entertainment was really hard to come by. There is only so much fishing you can do.

Luckily, a local resident purchased a Russian hat through the mail one day.

How much fun can you have with a Russian hat?

QUITE A LOT, I can assure you.

Cat Book Report

2008-07-24T15:41:00.000-07:00

Three Stories You Can Read to Your Cat
by Sara Swan Miller

Considering the promising title, I had pretty high hopes for this book; which is comprised of three distinct stories, each written in second person past tense and apparently intended to be read out loud to cats. For example, one story begins, "One day you woke up early. You were ready for fun"!

Specifically, the stories are:

1. "The Rainy Day"
2. "The Yummy Bug" and
3. "The Good Day"

I was sure there'd be something here for almost any cat.

Sandra and I have three cats: Stanley Wood, Tiggi, and Machete (in the order we acquired them) -

Our Darlings: Machete, Tiggi, and Stanley Wood.
As I rushed home after work with my copy of Three Stories You Can Read to Your Cat, Tiggi and Machete eagerly gathered around (and Stanley Wood hid under the bed like usual).

I started-in with "The Rainy Day":

Reading "The Rainy Day".
"The Rainy Day" depicts a cat's (referred to in the text as, "you") activities while trying to entertain himself during a rain storm. By the end of the story, when the rain stops, he is bored and starts screaming at the door until his owner lets him go outside.

We try to discourage cat tantrums in this household and neither cat seemed entertained to any degree by the story (though Machete enjoyed chewing on the corner of the book while I read). Maybe it's because they're from California and don't remember what a rainy day is. I lost interest in "The Rainy Day" pretty quickly myself, so I skipped ahead to "The Yummy Bug".

Reading "The Yummy Bug".
"The Yummy Bug" concerns a cat who chases down a bug because it looks delicious. Once the cat actually ingests the bug, however, he gags because the bug tastes terrible.

This is an extremely unrealistic story and none of us were very impressed.

Finally, I tackled, "The Good Day":

Reading "The Good Day".
"The Good Day" describes a cat whose owner leaves for the day, reminding the cat to behave itself. Having an entirely different notion of "good", the cat then proceeds to tear the hell out of the owner's apartment, having a blast the entire time. At the end of the story, the cat goes to sleep with a clear conscience, knowing he did not do anything, "bad".

Pretty delightful story, and very realistic as well.

By the end of this story, Machete and Tiggi had moved on to better things:

"Machete! Tiggi! I'm still reading!!
Three Stories You Can Read to Your Cat may not be the greatest book that's ever been written (for cats), but you can acquire a used copy for 1 cent plus shipping on Amazon.com.

Manhunter to Green Lantern: "Sit on it"!

2008-07-20T15:13:00.000-07:00

As Brother Todd and I are now just one issue away from acquiring the entire original Avengers run from Marvel comics, we've started filling gaps in our Justice League of America collection as well.

You can tell JLA #141 was written in 1977, when Happy Days was still a hugely popular television show, because in one panel, Manhunter tells Green Lantern to, "Sit On It" during a heated exchange:

Ayyyyyy!!!!! Cool!

I also got a kick out of JLA #92 (1972) when Green Lantern and Flash start engaging in Jive Talk against the Star Vampire:

[ Click to view larger, digitally highlighted version. ]
They sound like they're high.

TRM, 1854-1925

2008-07-18T15:09:00.000-07:00

The only notable figure to come from my hometown (Columbia City, Indiana) is Thomas Riley Marshall. So I am here to sing his praises.

Thomas Riley Marshall.
Part I
This former Indiana Governor was elected to the U.S. vice-presidency in 1912. His legacy is having Columbia City's middle school named after him and having his house become the site of the Whitley County Historical Society.

In their online biography of Marshall, the Junto Society lists his birthplace as simply, “Columbia, Indiana”; completely omitting “City” altogether.

Marshall’s vice-presidential career was less than notable. He’s best known for his sense of humor and for just generally being a wise-ass.

He is most famous for an offhand remark he made during a Congressional debate when he turned to a colleague and observed, “What this country needs is a good five-cent cigar”.

The nation found this hilarious at the time and the Whitley County Historical Society is still talking about it today.

At the end of President Wilson’s term, Marshall chose not to run for the presidency himself, which is almost unheard of (until it happened again recently with Cheney).

Marshall could have actually risen to the presidency when President Wilson suffered a stroke in 1919, but he refused to do so without a formal Congressional resolution. He thought it would look bad to the rest of the country if he moved-in on the presidency while there was still some likelihood that President Wilson might still recover.

If Marshall displayed less character, Columbia City would almost certainly be on the national map as the home of a former president. There probably would even been a federally funded presidential library in C.C. by now; instead there is just Thomas Riley Marshall’s home (now the Whitley County Historical Society) where some of his personal items are preserved.

Part II

One day in 1987 or 88, the Whitley County Historical Society contacted the high school drama club seeking some students to play Mr. and Mrs. Marshall for the day as various grade school classes went through a tour of Marshall’s house. Our drama instructor suggested the parts should be played by me and my friend, Wendy. I have no idea why she suggested me because I've never been a good actor by any stretch of the imagination. I was only in drama club for something to do. Plus I looked nothing like Thomas Riley Marshall.

I remember at the end of the tour, I would provide bubblegum cigars to the kids. I thought that was a nice touch. At the end of my spiel, I’d say to the children, “…today I have a good 5 cent cigar for all of you”. The childrens' eyes would get big and the teachers would all start looking uncomfortable until they realized the cigars were made of bubblegum.

My convincing performance as TRM.
Wendy as Lois.

If I worked at the Historical Society, I would’ve been a little disappointed with the high school’s casting decision. I wasn’t very enthusiastic and I didn't remember my script very well. I entirely ignored some whole sections of material. I do know I was never invited back. Wendy's roll as Lois Marshall was much more convincing. She was much more talented as an actress than I was as an actor.

Tearing Up the Court

2008-07-16T09:30:00.000-07:00

Mr. & Mrs. Steppinstone have become tennis enthusiasts. Hopefully we will improve with practice.

Breaking in a few new cans of balls:

Earthquake Chips & Redemption of the Garbanzo Bean

2008-06-20T15:24:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to document what will probably be my favorite snack food of 2008:

California Earthquake Chips.
These are manufactured by the California Potato Chip company and they have three things going for them.

1.) Variety and 2.) Convenience - Sandra and I are huge potato chip fans who can rarely limit ourselves to just one bag in the store because we love all flavors equally. California Earthquake Chips are a hodge-podge of all the company's flavors thrown together in one convenient bag. So you get barbecue, salt & vinegar, sour cream & onion, regular style, and whatever else they have to offer. Probably even Chipotle-something; all in one convenient bag. They really don't clash at all. They complement each other perfectly.

3.) Value - These are available at Big Lots for a fraction of the regular retail price.

On the non-snack food front, I think the biggest surprise of 2008 has been my re-acquaintance with the garbanzo bean.

I use to hate garbanzo beans, but Sandra makes an Indian Mash with a garbanzo bean base which I would happily eat every day. The first time I tried it, I couldn't believe there were garbanzo beans in there.

My hatred of the garbanzo bean goes back to childhood when I was served some kind of a multi-bean concoction at school. I don't think the garbanzo beans were properly cooked because they were kind of crunchy. I remember thinking, "All the other beans are fine, but these are like a nut or something". They really were that crunchy.

So I'm glad I've finally been set straight in 2008.

Fast Camera

2008-06-19T14:59:00.000-07:00

There is nothing particularly clever about this video clip.
It is just my co-worker and I testing our branch's new camera.
I thought I would post it here anyway though since this blog needs some action.

If nothing else, you can see what I look like when I'm confused at work.

Vacation Recollections, 2008 - Days 9, 10, & 11

2008-06-17T14:56:00.000-07:00

Conclusion
Tower from the Original Braubach City Wall.
Today would be our last full day in Germany. We dropped by Globus to acquire some German foods and snacks to bring back home with us.

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Globus.
Globus has three stories in their main building, connected by specially designed escalators which allow shoppers to bring their carts along with them as they travel from floor to floor. I really think that's great.

Deluxe Escalator.
Germany does not recognize "Ranch" as a real potato chip flavor.

Doritos' "Cool Ranch" flavor is called "Cool American" in Germany:

Cool American.
And if we needed any more evidence that Germans are crazy about cars, note their magazine stand labels:

Erotik / Motor.
"Erotik" and "Motor" are considered pretty much the same thing over there and publications on these topics are shelved together. They might have very similar call numbers in German libraries, but I didn't visit any libraries since I don't understand written (or spoken) German.

We spent our final evening in Koblenz, where we met with a couple of Sandra's friends. For Sandra's birthday, they gave Sandra an authentic German garden gnome which she can paint herself!

We had dinner at a German Mexican restaurant, which we were very curious about. We wanted to get the German take of Mexican Food. It was not what we think of as Mexican food or "Mexican" American food over here, but was still delicious.

One thing I've always loved about Germany is the drunken public singing. Well, this really was my lucky night because an entire table erupted into song at the restaurant. I wanted to videotape it, but other tourists were already in the process and I didn't want to make it into more of a spectacle than it already was. The singing delighted me though.

They discussed old times and current events then we walked over to a nearby bar which was owned by one of Sandra's friend's brother.

A Round of Complimentary Shots.
Tomorrow, we would return to America.

One thing brought up during the previous night's discussion (and at numerous other times during our vacation) was the David Hasselhoff question. In America, everybody knows that David Hasselhoff is huge in Germany. Hasselhoff even claims responsibility for the wall coming down because a song of his was popular at the time. While Americans are skeptical about that, we are comfortable with the notion he is extremely popular in Germany (if not responsible for the fall of the wall).

Everybody I've talked to in Germany denies Hasselhoff's popularity in that country. They acknowledge he did have one or two very popular songs in the late '80s / early '90s, but they swear it does not go beyond that. He is basically a one-hit wonder over there. He is not idolized in any way whatsoever.

So, as Sandra and I were packing and I reached under her bed to collect some odds and ends, imagine my surprise when I pulled out this old sticker sheet:

Germany's Teen Idols of the Late '80s & Early '90s.
Who is that, smack dab in the center?

The Hoff
Well, I brought this to Sandra's attention immediately. She claims she acquired those stickers solely for the sticker depicting Depeche Mode's singer (the one which is missing from the sheet). She didn't care about the rest, which is why they were tossed under her bed where they remained since the early '90s.

I think it is certainly evidence of Hasselhoff's former popularity in Germany though. There's no denying it, despite the efforts of historical revisionists.

We weighed our packages before leaving for the airport. Mine was about a kilo over, so we moved a bag of gummies over to Sandra's luggage, which put me right at the legal limit. Sandra was just slightly under by about 1 kilo. We always get it real close like that.

Today would be a loooong day as we fly the opposite direction and experience the 9 hour time change in reverse. Frau Thum drove us to the train station and hooked me up with a breakfast sandwich and coffee, which I really needed. Soon, Sandra and I were riding the rails to the Frankfurt International Airport.

At the airport, I decided to remove my shoes and belt early again, but I kind of jumped the gun, assuming our terminal was much closer than it actually was. As a result, I walked through the entire Frankfurt airport for a good half hour carrying my belt and shoes in addition to my carry-on.

Sandra was coming down with a cold and she hates flying, so we weren't expecting this to be a picnic. We spent the last of our euros on some magazines for diversion.

As we boarded our plane, things got worse. We were seated behind a family with at least SEVEN kids, all of them very young. We anticipated 10 hours of crying and screaming. The grandfather asked the stewardess for help attaching the baby seat directly in front of us. While she was fastening the seat, she looked up at me and Sandra and mumbled, "This isn't really my job". We felt her pain. We also noticed her name tag said, "Barbarella"!

Soon, they announced the pilot's name, "Gary Ward". Sandra was unimpressed. That doesn't sound very heroic at all. The first officers were "Joe Johnson" and "Rob Russell" though, which is more like it.

So far the family in front of us was managing to keep their kids under control. Then I heard Sandra gasp, "Look to my right! ANOTHER one"! We were SURROUNDED by babies for a LONG flight. This sucked.

Well, maybe it was because we were anticipating the worst, but the flight really wasn't bad at all. Nine hours later, we were back in U.S. airspace, right over Chicago:
Welcome to Chicago, U.S.A.
We left Frankfurt at 2:30pm and the flight took nine hours, making it 11:30pm, German time. With the time difference, however, it was only 4:30pm in Chicago. Sweet.

I clapped when we landed and was reluctantly joined by a few (apparently German) passengers.

In the Chicago O'Hare airport, we passed through customs, grabbed a bite to eat, and revisited the terminal we had run to during FINAL BOARDING a week ago on our flight to Germany. We didn't have time to get a good look at it during our first visit.

We sat and watched the plane which would be taking us back to Orange County. A stewardess was standing behind us talking on her cell phone to one of the service crew who was fueling the plane. She told him, "You're fueling the plane I'm gonna be on right now! Don't screw anything up"!

We interpreted this as light flirting and it greatly reassured Sandra. If one of the service crew is getting laid by a stewardess on this flight, he'll be extra careful to insure the plane doesn't crash.

We arrived in Orange County without further incident and soon we were glad to see our luggage had arrived as well. We took a cab home and before we knew it, vacation was over. We had Memorial Day to recover before going back to work.

Post Script:

Sandra's German Garden Gnome is now fully (and rather skillfully) painted:

O-Gnome-i.
"Judith & Halofernes", circa 1493, is hanging in the hall:

Judith was Framed.

Vacation Recollections, 2008 - Day 8

2008-06-14T14:54:00.000-07:00

Rhine Valley Via Steamboat
Sandra & I met Frau Thum for breakfast at the Café Marksburg.

Today would be a boat trip through the Rhine Valley, courtesy of Frau Thum.

The Rhine Valley extends from Koblenz to Rüdesheim and contains the highest density of castles and fortresses in Europe. We would be traveling on the Goethe – a steamship which is named after the great German writer/poet and which been in around since 1913. It was sunk in WWII then restored then resurrected and refurbished in 1955.

Arrival of the Goethe:

Named after THE Goethe.
When I heard we would be boating down the Rhine, I didn't know it would be by steamboat – this was awesome!

As the Goethe was ready to pull out of port, it fired off a mighty blast of steam:

We said goodbye to Marksburg (the greatest castle of the Rhine Valley) and set off on our merry way.

Goodbye to Castle Marksburg.
The Beauty of the Rhine:

As impressed as I was with the scenery outside, the boat's indoor dining deck was pretty nice too:

Dine on the Rhine.
There was also some opportunity for horseplay aboard the Goethe:

Jonnie at the Wheel.
At one point, we crossed an area where the mythical Lorelei was said to lure sailors to their deaths on the rocks. At this point a song about Lorelei was played over the Goethe's P.A. system, which I thought was a nice touch.

Statue of Lorelei.
I couldn't believe so many castles were still standing!

One was even built out on the water:

Castle on the Waters.
I knew the Rhine Valley was famous for its great wine, but I had no idea the vineyards were planted on such a steep downgrade. No machine could harvest these vineyards.

Vineyards of the Rhine.
At one point, we stopped to pick up passengers at a town called "Assmannhausen".

Assmannhausen.
Ass men.
Movin' On Down the Rhine.
I couldn't have been more pleased with our trip down the Rhine. It surpassed all expectations.

I didn't know it at the time, but as we deboarded in Rüdesheim, things would only get better. Rüdesheim is the version of Germany that most American tourists hold dear.

One some level, Americans know that Germans are engineering geniuses, that Germany is the home of the BMW and the Mercedes-Benz and the economic powerhouse of Europe; but we still like to pretend it is still a 15th century village and nobody can perpetuate that stereotype like the city of Rüdesheim:

Rüdesheim didn't look all that different from the Old World Village in Huntington Beach, California. I was in tourist heaven.

We stopped for a drink and a meal, I had Kesseler with potatoes and sauerkraut with a nice Hefeweizen and listened to authentic live German folk music, complete with accordians. Wunderbar!

Rüdesheim Hefeweizen.
Deciding it was getting fairly late in the day, we decided to take the train back to Braubach in the interests of saving time. On the way to the station, we passed some great souvenir shops featuring such treasures as this cat cuckoo clock:

Cuckoo Cat.
Not long after our train started rolling, we were stopped at Assmannhausen because of some undisclosed police activity.

Our train is stalled due to police activity.
Mr. & Mrs. Steppinstone Waiting Around at Assman Haus
We switched trains and were soon back in Braubach and on our way to Hanni & Xian's place for dinner. They had just moved into their place last year when we visited and they've apparently been quite busy with renovations. The place looked wonderful. Sandra and I were jealous of the space they had far away from California's housing market.

Finally, I offer you this compilation of random video footage from our trip which is about 75% Rhine Valley and Rüdesheim:

Vacation Recollections, 2008 - Days 6 & 7

2008-06-12T14:52:00.000-07:00

Bimmel Bahn
As much as we loved Rome, it was good to return to Braubach. Sandra and I slept-in until the early afternoon when we joined Frau Thum for a drink at the Heifisch Bar (Shark Bar), which was a bar in a boat on the river Lahn. Next on the list was visiting a neighbor who was having trouble with her computer and needed a pair of fresh eyes.

We also briefly stopped by my favorite German store, Globus, for a few quick errands, one of which was buying a German-American electrical adapter so we could recharge our camera battery. I couldn't wait to return to Globus when we had more time to browse around. I love that place.

The next day was a holiday, so nobody had to go to work. "Happy Cadaver Day" was apparently a religious holiday of some sort, but nobody knew its exact significance. For us, the significance was that we were meeting a number of people at the local Marksburg Café for a breakfast in honor of Sandra's birthday. Germany is very generous with their holidays. I think America should follow their lead.

Meine Sandralein.
cafe Marksburg.
Celebratory Breakfast.
I really ate a lot at that breakfast and was feeling pretty sturdy when I walked out of the café. I would've been surprised if anybody was able to tip me over.

After verifying the Marksburg Castle was open on Cadaver Day, we decided to ride the Bimmel Bahn up the mountain. I seriously can not believe I didn't take a picture of the Bimmel Bahn. The Bimmel Bahn is a little green train on wheels which drives people up the mountain to the Marksburg Castle. It's really a delightful ride and the guy who drives it knew Sandra when she was just a wee child, so he didn't charge us anything for the trip!

During last year's visit, we took a full tour of the Castle, our business this year involved visiting the Castle's archive/gift shop where visitors can purchase fragments of ancient texts for various prices. Surprisingly, the proprietor remembered us from last time!

Last year there was a medieval illustration of accused witches being boiled in oil which we had our eye on, but it has since been sold.

The historian had binders and binders full of various texts and illustrations from various eras. He asked us what subject matter we were interested in and Sandra replied, "Torture". He had quite a few illustrations of torture and violence.

After quite a bit of deliberation, we finally settled on a print of Judith and Halofernes. What settled it for us was the fact that it was printed in 1493, a year after Columbus set off for America. This print was about as old as our country.

Judith & Halofernes, circa 1493.
The paper is still in excellent condition. Modern paper will never survive that long due to acids produced during the mass production process. If you find a paperback from the 1970s, it is already brown and falling apart. Earlier books are often so brittle, you can barely read them.

The print was accompanied by this Certificate of Authenticity:

Certificate of Authenticity.
Other information about the picture – The image plate was created by Michael Wolgemut, who taught the artist Albrecht Duerer. This particular image was printed by Anton Koberger in Nuremburg in 1493.

Sandra and I didn't know anything about the Judith & Halofernes story until we looked it up online. Apparently it was a Biblical story in which Halofernes was the leader of an enemy army. Judith got into his tent by promising sexual favors, only to find him in a drunken stupor, so she chopped his head off. When the army saw her walk out with the head of their leader, they all freaked out and left. Judith is dressed in 15th Century clothing in this illustration and we think she looks cool.

Tomorrow, we would tour the Rhine!

Vacation Recollections, 2008 - Day 5, Part 2

2008-06-11T14:50:00.000-07:00

When in Rome
I couldn't believe we were actually going to see the Cimitero dei Cappuccini (Capucine Cemetery)! The Capucines are an order of friars which has been in effect since 1520 and the Capucine Cemetery in Rome is really something quite unique. According to Wikipedia, the crypt "contains the remains of 4,000 friars buried between 1500-1870".

What is notable about the Cimitero dei Cappuccini is the fact that these remains are not only on display, but the friars' bones are arranged in all sorts of intricate decorative patterns.

Photographs are not permitted, but one past visitor posted some scans of her postcards and I thought I'd post a few of them here as well, so you can appreciate what a unique spectacle the crypt provides:

These designs and structures are all made from the bones of past friars. At the end is a sign which translates into English as, "What you are, we once were. What we are, you will be".

Sandra and I bought a booklet which reproduces images and provides a historical overview of the cemetery. Apparently, it was masterminded by a German. The Marquis De Sade visited at one point and was reportedly quite impressed.

Having witnessed the Cimitero dei Cappuccini first hand, we determined to continue our foot tour through the winding streets of Rome.

The Streets of Rome.
We dropped by a Gellateria for some world class Italian ice cream. I had a dark red berry flavor called "Berri di Bosco". It looked like blood. At the Gellateria, we wrote out postcards that we purchased at the Capucine Cemetery. No post offices were evident, but after asking around a few times, we learned we could buy stamps from a nearby cigar shop. Sandra managed to located the shop and we noticed there was a mailbox on the street outside, so we were able to send our loved ones postcards which would be postmarked from Italy.

With that task out of the way, we were able to fully appreciate the impressive Fontana Di Trevi, commissioned by the Pope during the 1700s:

Fontana Di Trevi.
Mr. & Mrs. Steppinstone at Fontana Di Trevi.

I've always loved the Column of Marcus Aurelius and I was shocked find it standing right across the street from the Trevi Fountain! I couldn't believe I was seeing it in person! The column was standing since at least 193 A.D.

Column of Marcus Aurelius.
Column of Marcus Aurelius (detail).
Nacho Being Photographed in front of the Column of Marcus Aurelius.
I asked Sandra to take a picture and try to make it look like the Column of Marcus Aurelius was coming out of my head. The original photo was close, but required a little photo shopping. Here's the fixed version:

Nacho with the Column of Marcus Aurelius Coming Out His Head.
Rome has some great gift shops, so w shopped around then wandered on over to the Pantheon. The original Pantheon was built around 27 B.C. and then was destroyed, a rebuilt numerous times since then. The current building is said to date back to 125 A.D.

In 609 A.D., Pope Boniface IV, made it over as a Christian temple, according the Wikipedia entry.

The Pantheon.
Well, after another ice cream, it was time to catch our subway back to the airport. We grabbed a bite to eat and waited for our evening flight back to Germany.

In anticipation of the upcoming airport security check, and because I was feeling kind of fatigued, I removed my shoes and belt early on. This helped me really relax in style and I wondered why I never thought of it before.

My Dogs were Barkin'!
The flight back went smoothly. As we landed in Germany, I began a slow but firm clap. It didn't bother me when people started looking at me strangely, I ignored them and kept clapping. My enthusiasm must have been contagious because soon the other passengers started clapping as well. I was proud to have started the clap!

It was pretty late by the time we were back in Braubach, about 24 hours had gone by since we woke up for our flight to Rome.

What a great trip that was, courtesy of Frau Thum!

Vacation Recollections, 2008 - Day 5, Part 1

2008-06-10T14:48:00.000-07:00

Bella Roma!
As 2:00am rolled around, we prepared for our daytrip to Rome. I was so excited, I woke up at 1:00 and couldn't get back to sleep. I was rarin' to go!

Sandra's Uncle drove Sandra, Frau Thum, and myself to the bus station at 3:00am. From there we set off to the airport to catch our early morning flight. We weren't sure what to expect when we landed because Rome had been experiencing serious thunder storms for days, and today's forcast called for more of the same. Still, we were determined to make the best of any adversity we encountered.

We took a no-frills Irish airline and the flight went quite smoothly. It was particularly nice to travel with no checked baggage. One less thing to worry about.

As we entered Italian airspace and began our descent, I was anticipating the German "Clap" which traditionally errupts after a successful landing.

Apparently, this flight contained a lot of non-Germans, because our wheels hit the run-way and we began to slow down, but I heard nothing from the other passengers. I decided I would start the clap, which I did, but there was just no enthusiasm for it on that plane. I clapped a few times, then felt self-conscious and stopped when people started turning around and looking at me funny.

Well, it was really raining when we landed! Sandra spoke with an information agent about the quickest way to get to the Terminus subway station (the point around where most of the Roman tourist activity swarms). The agent suggested taking a bus to the nearby Ananigna station, then taking the subway the rest of the way, that would enable us to avoid the congested streets during the morning commute. Talking to the information agent was pretty clever on Sandra's part, it's a good idea to kind of get your bearings before stumbling off blindly into a foreign country, especially in the rain.

On the bus ride to the Ananigna station, we were greatly entertained by watching the Italian drivers. Everything we'd heard was true! Somehow the Italians are able to manage two cars in what seems to be one space, at a high rate of speed no less. It really was incredible to watch them. Every 30 seconds or so, I was positive we would witness a horrible accident, but we never did. As chaotic as the traffic flow is, everybody manages to roll with it just fine. German drivers are orderly and efficient, California drivers are inattentive and self-absorbed, I didn't know what to make of Italian drivers, they seemed almost supernatural, from what I saw in Rome at least.

At the Terminus station, we exited the subway and set out to find a suitable tour bus. Sandra did a little research and knew to look for one that circles the city repeatedly, stopping at most major attractions. We found a double decker bus that followed this procedure and purchased 3 day passes. The rain had stopped, but we were surrounded by street vendors selling umbrellas. I've never seen so many umbrellas in my life. We refused to buy any though as they were probably over-priced and for all we knew, the rain was gone for good.

Our bus was great! We took a seat on the top deck, despite warnings from staff that we may be exposed to rain. Soon, we were on our way!

Upper-Deck Bus Tour.
Rome is just incredible, especially when viewed from the upper-deck of a double-decker bus. Everything is nicely ornamented and statuary abounds, even naked statues which would never survive in the U.S.

Ornamental Statues.
Statue with Exposed Wiener.
Il Vittoriano, symbol of a united Italy, is the monument of monuments; punctuated by statues everywhere. It kind of snuck up on us. Our bus turned a corner, and there it was!

Il Vittoriano.
A Closer Look.
This monument is not beloved by all art critics. It is sometimes referred to as, "the wedding cake". I thought it was great though. Big 'ol colossal extravaganza. but then, I love gaudiness. Still, the sheer scale of this monument is seriously impressive, especially when it just sneaks up on you like that.

In addition to lots of statuary, Rome featured a lot of domes, which are just wonderful, in my opinion.

Rome Domes.
Next, we drove past numerous ancient pagan Roman ruins, but I didn't get any pictures because it started raining again. We had a sudden downpour, in fact! Most of the people on the upper-deck had umbrellas, but not us. We were drenched within seconds and as we started to regain our bearings, we looked up to see the famous Roman Colosseum itself - site of ancient gladitorial contests, public spectacles, and executions.

Fortunately, the rain had slowed to a sprinkle and the weather was once again camera-safe. The cloudy sky made the Colosseum look almost foreboding, as it must have looked to somebody who was scheduled to dual a lion back in 80 A.D.

Approaching the Coloseum.
Colosseum.
Mr. & Mrs. RLB - Drenched By the Rain.
Since we were drenched, and since we wanted to have a closer look at the Colosseum, we decided to de-board at the Colosseum stop.

Before going any further, we needed to dry off and have a coffee, which we were able to do at a nearby cafe. The ladies each enjoyed a cappuncino and I had the best espresso of my life as I watched two colorful characters carry on a passionate conversation about god knows what.

Our composure regained, we walked around a bit, taking a scenic route back to the Colosseum.

Rooftop Garden.
There really were a lot of scooters in Rome, one was half-melted, but apparently still functional. We thought that was pretty badass.

Melted Scooter.
Crossing the final street on our way back to the Colosseum, I was almost run over by an ambulance. I was looking up at the Colosseum at the time and didn't recognize the foreign siren as anything noteworthy. Well, it really was a close call, but I was fine.

Colosseum - Up Close & Personal.
Mr. & Mrs. RLB at the Colosseum.
The Arch of Septimius Severus.
The Frauen at the Arch of Septimius Severus.
Hanging with the Romans.
Since this was just a day trip and we wanted to see as much as possible, we did not sign up for a formal tour of the Colosseum, though that's something I would love to do one day. We just did a lap and then jumped back on the bus (sitting in the lower level this time).
Just as I was about to say something about preferring to ride on the top level because of the better view, we were hit by a second downpour. People came swarming down the stairs into to bus's lower level hahaha.

We de-boarded the bus on Via Vittorio Veneto, the street on which the Capuchin Cemetery is located. The Capuchin Cemetery was me and Sandra's "must see" attraction and we didn't want to miss that no matter what.

Since it was still raining when we deboarded our bus, we stepped into a nearby restaurant and decided it was time for lunch.

Refuge from the Rain.
Appetizer.
Pizza - Roman Style.
Well, Italian food and wine certainly lives up to its reputation. I've never had such a tasty meal in my life. Authentic Italian mozarella cheese has to be the greatest food in the world. I tried to take small bites so I could savor the flavor longer, an act which is not part of my normal repertoire.

We weren't sure how far away the Capuchin Cemetery was, so we asked on our way out. Due to the language barrier, we had no idea what the guy said, but he gestured to the right, and that's the direction we went.

Just a few steps later, we realized we were at the Capuchin Cemetery already! It was right next to our restaurant!

Unfortunately, it was closed for another hour, during the Italian siesta; so we decided to kill that hour with a foot tour of the city.

The Winding Streets of Rome.
Vespas Galore.
I'd gladly walk around Rome all day, any day - what a great city!
Historic monuments and temples were interspersed with contemporary eateries and shops all around.

Everywhere you looked, was a statue of somebody. I loved that.

Statues Everywhere You Look.
Even the clothing was impressive. I've never been interested in fashion at all, but some of the stuff in the Roman shop windows even caught my attention.
This foot tour was punctuated with periodic rain showers, which weren't a big deal because we could always duck into a nearby shop which was always worthwhile.

In one rain shelter, we even saw a flyer for an upcoming appearance from the Pope:

Pope Flyer.
In addition to a formal tour of the Colosseum, Sandra and I also plan to visit the Vatican next time we're in Rome.

Back outside, the umbrella sellers were still swarming all around, they were swarming the streets. We still refused to buy anything from them though.

As we returned to Via Vittorio Veneto, the Capuchin Cemetery was open!

Vacation Recollections, 2008 - Day 3

2008-06-06T14:43:00.000-07:00

Return to Braubach
I woke up bright and early at 6:15am, without the benefit of an alarm clock. We cleaned up and went about packing our bags before going down for breakfast. It was about this time when Sandra discovered complimentary alarm clocks were available for free from the front desk upon request. Oh well, we managed to wake up on time both days.

Breakfast was great, then we stopped by the Internet room to check email and to catch up with Cookie to see how the cats were doing at home (they were fine).

Off to the bus station! We reserved seats before we left, so it was a comfortable trip. We kicked back with some drinks we purchased before we left and looked out the windows at that great city, Berlin. Our train ride would terminate in Koblenz where we would be met by Sandra's mother, Frau Thum.

Toward the end of the trip, I was dozing off and snoring quite audibly, which I don't think was appreciated very much by the other travelers in our car, because somebody was always looking at me when I woke up. I don't blame them though.

With Sandra's encouragement, I managed to wake myself up enough to review the German language guide I brought along.

I taught myself a sentence, "Das ist eine Kucine"? That means, "Is this your (female) cousin"? I probably wouldn't have much use for that one, but it rolled off the tongue very nicely.

Sandra suggested something more appropriate, "Schoen dich vida susein", which means, "It's nice to see you again". I practiced that over and over until I was comfortable with it and by that time, we had arrived at Koblenz!

As we traveled down the bus platform, we could make out Frau Thum in the distance! She had a camera and was snapping pictures too!

"Schoen dich vida susein"! It was great to see Frau Thum again! Frau Thum runs a taxi company in Braubach, so she had a really convenient parking space since she drove a taxi cab. We loaded our bags and were on the road to Braubach, Sandra's home town.

As we approached Braubach, we passed a number of castles along the Rhine River. Soon, Frau Thum announced, "the greatest castle of all" – the Castle Marksburg, located in Braubach.

Castle Marksburg.
As we rolled up to the Thum household, we were greeted by Sandra's uncle (who is practically a giant). He was landscaping the backyard and adding a fountain!

It was wonderful to see everybody again – especially Granny!

We settled into Sandra's room and then it was time for her birthday celebration!
Sandra had quite a few gifts to open and then, afterwards, a birthday dinner in town.

We all gathered for dinner at a local restaurant where we were soon joined by Hanni (Sandra's lifelong best friend) and her husband Xian, and it's always a pleasure to see those two. The two of them really are absolutely delightful. I tried out, "Schoen dich vida susein" on everybody. Apparently that statement was totally intelligible, but I didn't have much to follow up with. I just sat back and enjoyed myself.

Sandra and I had wienerschnitzel, which is nothing like a hot dog. I don't know why they call that hot dog place "Wienerschnitzel" in the U.S. I also had a couple of my beloved German Hefeweizens.

We ended the evening with a round of Uzo shots, then home to bed for a good night's sleep. Good 'ol Braubach!!

Vacation Recollections, 2008 - Day 4

2008-06-04T14:46:00.000-07:00

Koblenz
Sandra and I both woke up to spicy Turkish sausages and cheese with a side of sweet pastries, courtesy of Frau Thum. Great way to start the day!

While checking email, I noticed our economic stimulus payment had been direct deposited into our checking account. It looked like we'd be spending that economic stimulus money in Europe. Well, timing is everything.

We decided to go shopping in Koblenz. We had a day trip in Rome scheduled tomorrow and Sandra needed to pick up some new walking shoes. She tore the heel off her boot in Chicago when we were running to our terminal during FINAL BOARDING.

Koblenz was a bustling little city. I liked the street life. People would were hanging out in outdoor cafes, just enjoying themselves. It was a refreshing change from Southern California where everybody is confined to their car.

Bustling Streets of Koblenz.
Sandra and I kicked off the day with some coffee/ice cream/liqueur treats at a sidewalk café and then we proceeded to hit the stores.

Sandra managed to find some acceptable walking shoes and we grabbed a curry wurst for lunch. Curry wurst used to be Germany's most popular fast food until Doenner came along. I also had a bottle of Mezzo Mix, which is a combination of cola and orange soda. It reminded me of what a local A&W Rootbeer stand in Indiana used to sell as "Swamp Water", which was a mix of root beer and orange soda.

Curry Wurst & Mezzo Mix.
We also revisited our favorite fountain in the world, the "Little Spitter" of Koblenz. The statue depicts a kid in short pants who sprays water horizontally out of his mouth at random intervals. I captured the magic on video:

It was getting to be dinner time, so we returned to Braubach and found Sandra's Uncle manning the grill – Pork steaks and a variety of delicious sausages, all cooked perfectly. Fantastic!

Sandra and I tried to get to bed early since we would be rising at 2:00am to get ready to visit Rome.

Vacation Recollections, 2008 - Day 2

2008-06-04T14:41:00.000-07:00

Wedding/Birthday
The Newly-Weds.
What a great sleep we both had! We were pretty fatigued and it was lucky Sandra happened to wake up at 6:00am, because that's when we needed to rise and shine.

May 17 - What a big day this would be! C0rina's wedding AND Sandra's 30th birthday! Sandra required some consoling, but we figured she was still in her twenties until about 5:30pm. She had nothing to worry about at this early hour.

As we were going about our morning routine, we noticed an envelope had been slid under our door. It was a message from Sandra's mother (Frau Thum) who called to wish her a happy birthday. At the bottom of the page was a hand written note from the hotel staff, wishing Sandra a happy birthday from them too. How thoughtful! The day was going well so far, and it would only get better.

We cleaned up and made our way to the hotel's continental breakfast. I had low expectation, but the breakfast spread was inspiring. All kinds of delicious German wurst and cheese to stack on rolls. Coffee, juice, and milk, eggs, and sausages. We were pleasantly surprised.

We took the subway to the wedding location. As we departed the subway, Sandra asked another passenger how to get to the building we were seeking. I didn't understand the exact conversation, but I did realize they both were going to C0rina's wedding. It turns out the stranger recognized Sandra from her German blog! What a small world!

So now we were a party of four. We made our merry way to the wedding site.

C0rina and her family were the next to arrive, and soon enough, everybody else showed up as well; even the groom.

The Wedding Party
The wedding went off without a hitch. Sandra was the maid of honor and she signed the witness statement. The witness statement also recorded the witnesses' date of birth and, toward the end of the ceremony, the officiant was recognizing the witnesses. When she mentioned Sandra's name, she added, "And today is her birthday, so Happy Birthday to her".

Next was a fully catered boat ride down the river Spree!

I thought this was a great idea and it was a great way for a visitor to see more of Berlin.

The Boat Party.
Captain, My Captain.
Scenery on the post-matrimonial boat ride:

The Ever-Wily Mr. and Mrs. RLB.
We also saw some hardcore exercise enthusiasts partaking in some kind of vigorous gyration routine on the steps of a public building:

Exercise Enthusiasts.
The boat ride was wonderful. It really was the perfect post-wedding activity.

After we returned to shore, it was time for dinner at a local Indian restaurant. Of course, Sandra and I found the food delicious:

Mr. & Mrs. RLB at Dinner.
At dinner, I noticed the time was 5:40pm, so I informed Sandra, "You're 30"! I really meant that to be a celebratory declaration, but it wasn't taken that way.

We also passed an Ampelmännchen building. The Ampelmänn is the little character on the old East German pedestrian crossing signals. According to Wikipedia, the signal was designed in 1961 by a "traffic psychologist" who, "theorised that people would respond better to the traffic signals if they were presented by a friendly character, instead of meaningless coloured lights. However, Peglau is said to have feared initially that the design might be rejected because of its petit bourgeois hat".

After German reunification, the government planned to replace the Ampelmännchen with the West German crossing signals in the interests of standardization. However, a movement to preserve East German history managed to fend off the standardization initiative, so today Berlin has two different styles of pedestrian crossing signals.

Ampelmännchen Building.
By the time dinner wrapped up, Sandra and I were bushed! We shared a cab back to the hotel with our new acquaintances and decided we would rejuvenate ourselves with a nap.

The nap did us a world of good, but unfortunately it was raining outside when we woke up. We dropped by the room of our fellow wedding guests, but they were out on the town.

We had a drink in the bar and waited to see if the rain stopped.

We also noticed this great french fry vending machine!

French Fry Vending Machine!
Right next to a hot dog vending machine (German AND American style)!

Wiener Vending Machine!
What a great country!!

Lucky for us, the rain eventually stopped and we ventured out to the subway terminal, anxious not to waste another evening in Berlin.

Our next destination was the famous Brandenburg Gate, long standing symbol of Berlin itself.

RLB at the Brandenburg Gate.
Statue Atop the Brandenburg Gate.
The gate's interior is adorned with a series of classical stone carvings depicting war scenes:

Stone Carving - Warrior w/ Multiple Weiners
The Brandenburg gate was built in the late 1700s and pictures don't do it justice. It really is an impressively massive piece of monumental architecture. Napoleon stole it in the 1800s, but it was returned to Berlin after his defeat. After WWII, the Berlin Wall went along right next to the gate, so nobody was able to walk through it until the wall finally came down.

Sandra and I walked through and this day was just getting better and better.

After visiting the Gate, we browsed through a couple of shops and bought postcards.

Outside one gift shop, there was a huge slab of the original Berlin Wall:

Mr. & Mrs. RLB w/ a Slab of the Berlin Wall.
Finally, we took the subway back to our hotel. We were both so happy the rain stopped and we were able to explore Berlin for another evening. Great Great Great City!

Tomorrow would be another early morning. We had a train to catch as we made our way to picturesque Braubach, Sandra's hometown.

Vacation Recollections, 2008 - Day 1, Part 2

2008-06-03T14:37:00.000-07:00

Berlin!
Immediately upon exiting the baggage claim area, we were greeted by Sandra's friend, C0rina. C0rina is a lifelong friend of Sandra's and it was the occasion of her wedding which brought us to Berlin in the first place. Sidenote: Not only does C0rina write contemporary classical musical compositions, but she performs these original compositions live in front of large audiences, which I think is quite remarkable.

Just as Sandra and I were married on C0rina's birthday (Aug. 19), C0rina was getting married on Sandra's birthday (May 17).

Well, C0rina hooked us right up! First, she provided us with a wad of euros (which had been wired to her by Sandra's mother, withdrawn from our local Germany account). Next, she provided us with public transit passes (bus and subway) and then escorted us to our hotel room.

Berlin's public transportation system really is impressive! Really, a car wouldn't be necessary at all if you lived here. In fact, a car could be considered an outright burden.

Berlin Metro Sation.
Well, C0rina's wedding was scheduled for the following morning, and her family was due to arrive on the opposite end of Berlin, so we had to part ways until the big day.

As tired and jet-lagged as we were (we'd been up for roughly 24 hours), Sandra and I didn't want to waste an evening in Berlin, so we set off to explore that incredible city.

Checking Out Berlin.
There's a lot of great graffiti and DIY art objects to be seen all around Berlin.

The short walk from our hotel to the Metro station featured these beauties:

Graffiti.
Borat.
Smiling Old Chari Cushion.
On this route to the metro station, we also passed a badass punk rock hangout – a large fenced-off heavily decorated district where many of the young anarchists apparently lived communally:

Anarchist Collective from the Street.
Behind the Gate.
Above the gate was a sign mimicking the cold war era Checkpoint Charlie sign which read, "Achtung! You are now leaving the American Zone":

Achtung! You Are Now Leaving the Capitalist Zone.
What a cool hangout! Rural Indiana (where I grew up) never had anything like this! You could even live there if you wanted to run away from home! I think that's so cool.

Sandra and I took the Metro to Alexanderplatz, where we planned to eat some dönner and fit in some site-seeing before finally getting some sleep.

Alexanderplatz is named after the Russian Czar Alexander I and it's a huge public plaza which was redeveloped by East Germany in the 1960s – I loved the massive wide-open concrete plaza and surrounding monolithic buildings.

Probably the thing you notice first about Alexanderplatz is the big ass TV tower sticking up in the sky. According to Wikipedia, it is the second tallest structure in Europe. It was constructed by the East Germans as a symbol of Berlin.

Fernsehturm.
After hanging around Alexanderplatz (and eating dönner), we hopped on a double decker bus (the first double decker bus I've ever been on) and went out to see the famous Reichstag building:

Der Reichstag.
Dem Deucshen Volke.
Right in front of the Reichstag is a memorial for 90-something Weimar Republican senators that Hitler killed:

"Assassinated by Hitler" memorial.
The historic site of Hitler's bunker (where he was killed) is now a parking lot and we were going to visit that, but didn't have time. I think they should have made it into a museum or something, but I guess they didn't want to attract any bad elements.

Visible from the Reichstag is the current federal govt. building where Chancellor Angela Merkel goes to work every day:

Where Chancellor Angela Merkel Goes to Work.
While the international community knows about Germany's Chancellor, they don't all know that Germany has a President as well. I certainly didn't know. I think it's just a ceremonial position. According to Wikipedia, the current German President is named Horst Köhler and he looks like this. Check him out. Also according to Wikipedia, the German President's powers are "ambiguous".

Anyway, he lives here:

Home of Germany's President.
After touring by bus a little bit longer, we stopped to admire the Kaiser Wilhelm Memorial Church:

Kaiser Wilhelm Memorial Church
This church was constructed in 1891, then had the crap bombed out of it by the British during World War II. It had a new church built next to it after the war, but the original church became a historic monument. In more recent years, one of the guys who bombed the original church is heading an effort to fund the memorial's preservation, so isn't it funny how things work out sometimes?

Near the Kaiser Wilhelm Memorial Church, I experienced my first European Pissoir:

Pissoir.
The Pissoir is brilliant. It's just a couple of partitions where a guy can step in, take a pee, wash his hands, and leave. No fuss, just takes a couple of seconds.

Trying Out the Pissoir.
I loved the Pissoir. I wish we had them in America. It's a good way to keep guys from peeing on buildings and shrubberies.

Well, at this point, Sandra and I were pretty worn out. We journeyed bock to our hotel and stopped by "Lidl" for drinks and snacks on the way.

I'm so crazy about Berlin! It was continually bustling with the activity of lots of people just going about their own business. Very invigorating. I committed to learn all about Berlin after I returned home.

We were completely exhausted by the time we finally returned to the hotel. I felt like I saw enough in this evening alone to make the vacation worth it already and we still had many days to go. Tomorrow we had to be ready to go by 7:00am, so we planned to get up at 6:00am. We also didn't have an alarm clock, but figured one of us would surely wake up early due to jet lag.

We washed up and hit the sack, falling asleep immediately.

Vacation Recollections, 2008 - Day 1, Part 1

2008-06-02T14:34:00.000-07:00

Are We In Germany Yet?
Prelude
As Sandra & I awoke on the morning of our 2008 vacation, we felt pretty well prepared. All papers were in order and arrangements had been made for my co-worker, Cookie, to take care of the cats while we were away.

Our original plan was to hire a shuttle to the John Wayne Airport, but we decided on a cab instead, since the shuttle couldn't get us there quite as early as we wanted. It was only a $10 cost difference, so we canceled our shuttle reservation and opted for a more direct route via taxi which would arrive promptly at 9:00am.

The morning went pretty smoothly, despite two unforeseen issues:

1. Sandra's Missing Glasses - During the final minutes of packing, Sandra realized her glasses were nowhere to be found. We opened all our packed luggage and turned the house upside down searching for them, but had no luck. As a last resort, Sandra theorized our cat, Machete, may have knocked them into the bathroom trash can before I took out the trash. This seemed feasible, so I went out to the trash bins where I did, in fact, locate the missing glasses among the bathroom trash.

This first issue was solved just in time, because the garbage collection service empties our bins every morning around 9:00am. Sandra's quick thinking saved the day again.

2. Confused & Disgruntled Shuttle Driver - At around 8:00am, we received a garbled phone call confirming a 10:00 pick up. Naturally, I assumed this was the cab we had reserved. I said "OK" and hung up, then remembered we wanted at 9:00 pick up; so I called the cab company to make sure the cab got here at 9:00 instead of 10:00. The dispatcher still had us slotted and thought the call must have been a mistake.

I hung up relieved that everything was in order. Then I remembered, the shuttle pick up I cancelled about a week ago was scheduled for 10:00 and it must be the shuttle company. I was shutting down the computer, so I went ahead and emailed them a reminder that I cancelled our earlier reservation. In retrospect, I should've called them but my mind was elsewhere.

Our cab arrived promptly at 9:00 and our driver was pleasant, if a bit over-talkative. We tipped him generously and he gave us a card with his phone number in case we would like to call him when we return.

Flight 1 - Orange County to Chicago

Our check-in went much smoother than our disastrous experience during last year's German vacation, so we were already feeling pretty good. The security gate wasn't as annoying as usual either, and soon we were waiting to board the first leg our flight - Santa Ana John Wayne to Chicago O'Hare.

We sat at a window facing our plane so Sandra could oversee the flight preparations.

Flight Preparations.
Sandra hates flying, which is strange considering her history of extensive air travel. She views it as a necessary evil, an unsavory means to an end.

Sandra is also extremely particular about her pilots and always tries to glimpse them before she boards the plane. She prefers a capable male pilot who does not look like he indulges in horseplay. She does not want a woman piloting her plane. She just doesn't trust them in a crisis. Her ideal pilot is an older well-seasoned gentleman. Or a younger one with good posture and who looks somewhat like a superhero. She doesn't mind a slightly overweight gentleman because it implies he enjoys life and wants to get home safely for dinner. For better or worse, we were not lucky enough to catch a glimpse of whoever would be flying us to Chicago.

Well, we entertained ourselves reading magazines. I was reading some discarded copies of Shonen Jump from the library, but I couldn't get in to them. Naruto does nothing for me. I left them for the kids on a table in the airport.

At about 10:00, we received a VERY angry cellphone message from the shuttle driver who was wondering where we were after I had just confirmed the 10:00 pick up. I felt like a douche for not calling him back earlier about my cancellation; but at the time, I felt I'd already done my part when I cancelled the first time and I shouldn't have to go out of my way to cancel again. I didn't want to call him back now because he sounded really pissed off.

Anyway, our plane was boarding and we were off on the four-hour flight to Chicago.

We arrived at 6:30pm local time (we were still biologically on California time, where it was about lunch time) and we had a very short window of time to catch our next flight to Dublin, Ireland.

Flight 2 - Chicago to Dublin

Well, our first flight arrived on time and our next terminal was located nearby, so we should've made the connection with no trouble at all. As things worked out though, the flight crew was unable to align the departure ramp with our plane's door and we had to wait while the crew worked out the logistics. We waited throughout the scheduled boarding time for our next flight and as our flight's actual departure time approached, we were finally allowed to de-board. Once we made it off the plane, Sandra and I ran as fast as we could to the next terminal. Catching this flight was critical, if we missed it, we might be waiting around in the Chicago Airport for 12 hours or more. As we passed a flight status screen, Sandra stopped to verify everything. Our gate was nearby, but it was flashing the FINAL BOARDING message. We continued running and as we approached our terminal, it was deserted except for two airline staff people behind the desk. Luckily they got us on. Disaster avoided.

This was quite a lengthy flight, but the crew was generous with meals and beverages. The movies were crappy - there was that Ben Stiller museum movie and a film about a pasty kid who hatches and befriends a Loch Ness monster. I managed to get through the museum movie (Sandra tried, but just became too annoyed); then we tried to watch the Loch Ness movie as a diversion, but there was just no way.

Chicago to Europe isn't TOO bad, really. Last year we took a direct flight from L.A. to London and it was just way too long.

We flew right through the night and were technically in Day Two at this point, but for Sandra and I, it was still Day One. A long-ass day.

As we approached Ireland, Sandra and I shared the following exchange:

RLB: "Those are Irish clouds".

Sandra: "They're not as green as I imagined".

Upon de-boarding at the Dublin airport at 8:30am, we immediately visited the restrooms to freshen up. I really missed Europe's bathroom stalls - they're both more sturdy and more private. American stalls are remarkably flimsy in comparison.

We had to go through customs, but it was worth it, because I got a Dublin, Ireland stamp added to my passport. After that, we proceeded through the seriously confusing corridors of the Dublin airport until we found our gate.

My first impression of the Irish were two gentlemen in sun dresses. I don't know whether they were true homos or if they were just horsing around, but they were both certainly drunk and enjoying themselves immensely.

As I departed the restroom, Sandra was in the hall laughing. "You missed it", she exclaimed. Apparently, the men in sun dresses stopped for a photo with a passing tourist and one of them pulled up his dress to flash his wiener for the camera.

I didn't mind missing that, but their drunken enthusiasm (we could hear them way down the corridor) was pretty contagious. Sandra and I chased them down the corridor until we were able to snap this photo:

First Impression of the Irish.
Going down the final escalator to our departure gate, we were greeted by this sculpture which featured a prominent wiener:

Enigmatic Sculpture.
Nice. In the U.S., that sculpture would be heavily protested and banned until it was removed. In Ireland, it was placed right in your face. Anybody going down that escalator had their eyes directly in front of that statue's wiener.

Ireland was proving itself to be a very wiener-friendly country.

We had a little over an hour to kill, so I seized the opportunity to try a genuine Guiness. I've always heard the authentic Irish Guiness is different than the Guiness which has been exported and I thought I should try the authentic version.

Another thing about Ireland – the airport bar was quite full, even though it was only about 10:00am. I thought this was great. And the authentic Guiness definitely lived up to the hype. Besides having a remarkably creamy head, the beer was truly delicious.

RLB w/ an Authentic Guiness.
Sandra and I were happy to wander across coin operated Internet terminals in the Dublin airport as well! We caught up on email and sent messages to friends and family until it was time to board our flight.

Flight 3 – Dublin, Ireland to Berlin, Germany

For our final flight into Berlin, we went with an Irish airline, Aer Lingus. Their plane tails display a prominant shamrock, which we thought was glorious.

Aer Lingus.
This was a quick 2-hour flight, but it seemed a lot longer since we were both extremely tired of flying at this point. We just hoped our baggage would make it to Berlin with us.

As we landed in Berlin, I experienced the German practice of applauding when the plane's wheels finally touch the ground. As we landed, the entire plane erupted in applause. Sandra has mentioned this phenomenon before – only Germans do this. They are genuinely grateful the pilot did not crash. I think applauding upon landing is a fun practice. People should be more grateful when things go right. I determined to start doing this in the future whether I'm among Germans or not.

As we exited our plane, we were treated to this wonder:

Berlin Bear Plane.
Berlin's official animal is the bear, and I guess this airline was celebrating that.

When I finally made it through customs, I was happy to see Sandra waiting with both of our bags (my customs line took forever). We were officially in Berlin – Let the vacation begin!

Asia Buffet

2008-04-16T10:02:00.000-07:00

Oh! Nami!

2008-03-28T09:58:00.000-07:00

I document the experiences when Mr. & Mrs. RLB visit O-nami Buffet with co-worker Cookie.

Check it out:

Asia Buffet Poll Results

2008-03-25T15:19:00.000-07:00

"What do you love MOST about Asia Buffet"?

Our first poll has closed.
I have reviewed the data.
I have crunched the numbers.
I have done the research.

Asia Buffet fans love the Multiple Shrimp Dishes and the Chinese Doughnuts more than anything else. These items ranked highest with 9 votes each and were preferred by 52% of Asia Buffet fans.

Next was the Dumpling Dip with 8 votes and preferred by 47% of Asia Buffet fans.

Dumpling Dip was followed by Crab Legs with 7 votes, preferred by 41% of Asia Buffet fans.

Next was a tie between Crab Cracker and Sushi. Each received 6 votes and are loved MOST by 35% of Asia Buffet fans.

Finally we had the mysterious Other, which received 4 votes and was preferred by 23% of Asia Buffet fans.

The only Asia Buffet feature which received no votes at all was Fortune Cookie, not preferred at all by any Asia Buffet fans.

Congratulations!

2008-03-20T09:56:00.001-07:00

To cousin Adam Foody Showbiz, greatest of the G1ll10ms, for winning the Battle of the Bone chicken wing eating contest in Tempe Arizona -

When the Moment Comes -

2008-03-19T15:07:00.000-07:00

...take the top one.

Another incomprehensible fortune, courtesy of Asia Buffet.

Video History of the RW...BS

2008-02-18T09:51:00.000-08:00

I'm familiarizing myself with Windows Moviemaker (I'll be using MacIntosh's similar iMovie for a local history project at work, so I wanted to get comfortable with the editing process during my day off).

I was originally going to make a series of RW...BS history documentaries from parts 1 & 2 of Boz's old audioblogs as well as my recollections, but it's a pretty time consuming process and I used all my archival images up during this first part, so I'm gonna just stop here.

Enjoy!

T.S. Eliot by RLB

2008-02-15T09:45:00.000-08:00

Here's a high school English report I wrote about T.S. Eliot which is just over 20 years old today. It's not very interesting, but I think it's pretty funny.

First off, there are some style issues - While the paper begins as a properly type-written paper (although the pages are numbered by hand), things take a radical turn at page 3 when I switched to a double-spaced hand-written style for no apparent reason until I decided to resume typing at page 7:

Page 1

Page 3

Page 7

I don't remember if I was having trouble with my typewriter, or if I decided to add a section at the last minute after typing the final draft, but it's a pretty early indicator that inconsistency has never been a big deal with me. Actually, the flow of the paper isn't altered at all, so I don't think I added the handwritten section later. I probably ran out of typewriter ribbon, continued by hand, then resumed typing when I got a new typewriter ribbon but I didn't want to re-type what I just wrote.

I also noticed common spelling mistakes which I still make today (for some reason, I always want to spell "heavily" as "heavilly".

But stylistic concerns aside, this paper has some pretty piss-poor content. All I remember about the assignment is we were supposed to incorportate historical criticism of the author and I never bothered to read any of Eliot's works when I wrote that paper. I just checked some criticism and published interviews out from the local library and wrote the paper more or less in a vacuum, applying quotations randomly and entirely out of context; which is the main reason it's such a crappy paper.

So for your edification:

A brief history of T.S. Eliot
as told by a young RLB:

In 1914, Eliot decided to move to Europe because he considered America to be unstimulating to his poetic needs...Eliot was not suited to live in America...He hated the democratic system...at one point, he even seriously considered becoming a Bhuddist, but decided against it after realizing that...would require him to give up his European style of thinking, which he did not feel was worth the price.

While always staying very private and unopen about his personal life, one of the most widely known facts about T.S. Eliot is that his first marriage was a total disaster. Vivienne Haigh-Wood was a mentally unstable, sickly, over-dependent burden who did not deserve a relationship with a man of Eliot's intelligence and social standing. She always would whine around and force Eliot to grant her every wish...The only really suitable reason for the continuance of Eliot's marriage to Vivienne was that he sort of thrived on pain.

Some critics of Eliot consider him to be the type of man to latch onto certain people because of their social class...This is, however, a drastically inaccurate picture of Eliot and holds no merit whatsoever...In the words of Doris L. Elder, "No social climber would have married Vivienne haigh-wood".

His boss gave him a paid one month leave of absence to straighten out his mind, but he only seemed to decline.

In 1927, his life began to come together after he joined the Anglo-Catholic church and also became a citizen of England...The only problem that Eliot faced was that of his wife Vivienne continually nagging at him.

While professing to believe in a monarchy as the best form of government, it is apparent that Eliot just did not want to admit that he favored the fascist form of government...T.S. Eliot wanted to take away the free thinking of the Jews.

When questioned about his anti-Jewish sentiments, Eliot would always state that it was against his religion to have such thoughts, but would never actually deny them.

T.S. Eliot is without a doubt one of the greatest poets of all time. His poetry ranges from the philosophical to the Christian.

Maybe I'll try to add some of this to Eliot's wikipedia entry.

Banished to the Garage

2008-01-22T09:42:00.001-08:00

Some personal items which have been (appropriately) reassigned to the garage after marriage:

[ Click to view larger image. ]
1. "7 Chinese Gods in a Boat" statue from Hawaii (upper left)
2. Authentic Welvet Dog tapestry/beach towel (backdrop)
3. Hulk Hands
4. Shriner Collection
5. R1chard Nix0n Showerhead (not pictured)

I just wanted to commemorate these items.

And I'd like to post a few details about some of my Shriner artifacts.

First of all, the shoes are like nothing you can find at Payless:

Secondly, the fez carrying case contains internal supports, so the hat does not dent or crease:

Third: The fezes themselves are all of notably high quality. The tops are even ventilated, so you can wear them around in summer:

Asses Wild (Tits, Ass, & Cuteness Quiz)

2008-01-10T09:35:00.000-08:00

Your Score: Asses Wild

Raw score: 37% Big Breasts, 45% Big Ass, and 56% Cute!

Thanks for taking the T and A and C test! Based on your selections, the results are clear: you show an attraction to smaller breasts, larger asses, and sexier composure than others who've taken the test.

Note that because you scored small on breasts but large on ass size, it might appear you like girls bottom heavy. That's probably not the case. What's more likely is that you notice curvy, voluptuous asses, and they turn you on. Breasts are hit or miss, though, and besides, extremely large ones are just saggy and gross, in your opinion.

My third variable, "cuteness" is a mostly objective measure of how innocent a given model looked. It's determined by a combination of a lot of factors: lack of dark eye makeup, facial expression, posture, etc. If you scored high on that variable, you are either really nice OR you're into deflowering teens. If you scored low, you are attracted to raunchier, sexier, women. In your case, your lower than average score suggests you appreciate a sluttier look. Kudos!

Recommended Celebrity: J-Lo, when she's looking extra sexy. Probably not when she's acting.

Link: The Tits, Ass, and Cuteness Test written by chicken_pot_pie on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test
View My Profile(chicken_pot_pie)

Backyard or Junkyard?

2008-01-08T09:32:00.000-08:00

Sandra & I love where we're currently living:

But it hasn't always been peaches & cream.

The 10 months we spent in Santa Ana were hardcore. Santa Ana is our hood. We rented a room in an old house with a fair amount of sprawling property behind it. While the property was located right smack-dab in an urban location, it might as well have been a backwoods for all you could tell when you were standing there in it.

The grounds were poorly maintained to say the least and before Sandra & I moved, we snapped some photos so we could always remember our roots (and don't get us started about our neighbors out there). We're just glad we moved out before Sandra's mom visited us.

In fact, I was searching flickr for photos tagged "trash heap" the other day, and they all looked just like our former backyard.

So, here's a new quiz for you:
I have 8 pictures of the former property we were living on and 8 pictures that are tagged "trash heap" by flickr.

Can you guess which 8 depict a "junkyard" and which 8 depict our former "backyard"?

a.	b.
c.	d.
e.	f.
g.	h.
i.	j.
k.	l.
m.	n.
o.	p.

Good Luck.

Best Xmas Gift, 2007

2007-12-26T09:30:00.000-08:00

I love all my 2007 xmas gifts, but I think there is one in particular which deserves a special blog spotlight due to its uniqueness and over-the-topness. The gift is courtesy of Brother Todd and it is something that I think could only be acquired at a midwestern flea market (which is indeed exactly where he acquired it), or possibly a southern flea market.

Sandra and I were intrigued immediately after removing the wrapping paper, because we found ourselves staring at a fine tin case which depicts Elvis Presley standing in front of an indigo curtain. I thought this fine tin case wouldn't be a bad gift in itself:

Stored in a handsome tin case depicting Elvis Presley.
When I opened the case, I was momentarily unable to move from disbelief. The case contained, not one, but FOUR Elvis Presley KNIVES - AND one Elvis Presley bottle opener!! This is so badass!!

[ Click to view larger image. ]
Each knife handle bears images of Elvis in his prime (on BOTH sides of the knife) and the bottle opener depicts Vegas Elvis. This was so over the top, I could hardly believe it. FOUR Elvis knives - AND one Elvis Presley bottle opener, all packed in a handsome carrying case!

The knives are all functional. They even have locks on them, so it's less likely the knife user will cut themselves. Sandra and I can walk around with a different one every day.

[ Click to view larger image. ]
So if anybody visits us, rest assured you won't need to bring a knife. You can use one of our elite Elvis knives for the duration of your visit (though you will have to return it to the case before you leave).

Thanks Todd!!

Playboy VS Hustler: RLB's Perspective

2007-12-21T09:11:00.000-08:00

This month, the first issues of my subscriptions to Playboy and Hustler arrived. Since the price of paper is said to increasing drastically early in 2008, I think it's fortunate I subscribed before the impending price-hike.

This post shall compare the two titles as a public service. Under each category, I list Playboy first and Hustler second, because I received my first issue of Playboy weeks before I received my first issue of Hustler, despite the fact that I subscribed to Hustler nearly 2 months before subscribing to Playboy.

Accessibility -

Playboy - I received a subscription offer conveniently through the mail via postcard. The special first time subscriber rate was ridiculously low, and I thought I'd be a fool not to take them up on it. Additionally, they had a sticker of an almost naked woman and if I removed that sticker and attached it to a designated place on the return postcard, I would receive a complimentary copy of Playboy's Nude Celebrities on DVD. Congratulations to me! I attached the sticker immediately.

Hustler - You can't accuse Larry Flint of pushing porn. I don't see Hustler around anywhere these days. I had to actively seek it out by visiting their website, and even then the cost for a year was outrageously expensive. After reading that you can often find discounted subscriptions to commercial magazines (anything that is strongly advertising driven) on eBay, I looked up Hustler and found a subscription for about half of what it would cost me through conventional channels. Still, it cost about twice what my ridiculously affordable subscription to Playboy cost me. Also, there was no free sex DVD included with Hustler's offer.
There were two competing discount subscription offers to Hustler when I was checking eBay. One had a lower cover price + shippping, the other had a higher cover price with free shipping. I did the math (something I learned from Sandra - it's always worth the extra bit of trouble) and the more expensive cover price was actually a better deal once you figured in the free shipping.

Winner: In terms of convenience, Playboy wins by a landslide. The subscription process was effortless and the price was a bargain. Hustler required some significant effort and it still was twice as expensive Playboy.

Documentation -
This refers to publication data about the magazine itself (I am a librarian). It's a pretty minor criteria, I was just surprised by my findings. I received both of these magazines in December, 2007; but their cover dates were quite different.

Playboy - December, 2007.

Hustler - March, 2008.

Winner: In terms of accuracy, it would certainly be Playboy. Hustler is probably postdating a bit to keep their magazines on the stands longer, but it's the rare store which stocks multiple months of Hustler, they usually just display the most current issue. This is kind of a sore point for archival reasons as well. If you're looking at these magazines a few years from now, you'll think this issue of Hustler was released in March, 2008 when it actually appeared 3 months earlier.

Shipping -

Playboy - I forget how my Playboy was shipped. I received it in early December.

Hustler - Wrapped in a cool black plastic sleeve. It didn't arrive until months after I placed my order on eBay though. I subscribed to Hustler 2 months before subscribing to Playboy, but received both first issues on the same month (though Playboy still beat Hustler by about 2 weeks).

Winner: Draw. Playboy was a lot faster, but that may be due to the unconventional means by which I acquired my Hustler subscription. I love Hustler's black plastic sleeve. They should copyright that.

Design -
Playboy VS Hustler, table of contents.
Playboy - Table of contents looks like a conventional mainstream magazine, which is what Playboy generally is. Their table of contents was actually divided into two pages which is standard practice for most commercial magazines, so they can run ads on the back of both pages.

Hustler - Table of contents is jam-packed with action. It's all on one page, you can get to where you want to go with a quick glance. It includes lots of sex pictures and very little bullshit.

Winner: Hustler. Browsing their Contents page is a pleasure.

Extras -

Playboy - Playboy included a complimentary Nude Celebrities DVD, which included naked video footage of Anna Nicole Smith, Jenny McCarthy, Pam Anderson, and a bunch of women I've never heard of.

Playboy's Nude Celebrities screen capture.
This seemed intriguing at first, but in reality it wasn't anything great. The content was way too softcore for both my and Sandra's tastes. While I have no objection to video footage of naked women, a lot of the footage was presented in montage style with really crappy music playing in the background. After the initial thrill of each new girl, the presentation just made the whole thing seem kind of silly. Also, a lot of footage was recycled, so the same piece of footage might appear 4 or 5 times during a girl's presentation, which was pretty lame.
Finally, it may just be me, but the fact that these women are "celebrities" does very little for me. I'd be happier watching amateur footage of a girl who works at the local 7-11 compared to these overly slick productions. I did enjoy seeing Anna Nicole Smith though, and Kelly Monaco (whoever she is) was easily the hottest girl on the entire DVD. I also enjoyed seeing Jenny McCarthy pumping water from a pump over her tits. That was pretty memorable.

Hustler - No freebies. No free lunch.

Winner: Playboy. Something is better than nothing, even if it's kind of lame.

Part 2 - CONTENT - "The Proof is in the Pudding"
While the initial categories addressed practical considerations regarding the subscription process itself, the remaining categories can be lumped together under the heading "content", which is the main reason we subscribe to magazines in the first place.

Cover -

Playboy VS Hustler.
Playboy - Kim Kardashian.

Hustler - Girl with no pants.

Winner: Hustler. No contest.

Advertising -

Typical advertisements - Playboy (left) VS Hustler (right).
Playboy - Playboy had about 20 more pages than Hustler, and I'm sure those were all ads. About the whole first quarter of the magazine was ads. Playboy is packed with advertisements for high-end lifestyle products and it was clear why Playboy is able to offer their magazine for such a low price.

Hustler - Hustler had plenty of ads too, but the majority of them were clustered together at the back of the magazine rather than appearing constantly throughout, which was the case with Playboy.

Winner: Hustler. The ads were even more entertaining. Where Playboy might run an ad for some high-end gay cell phone, Hustler runs an ad for 1-800-JACK-OFF. I actually read the ads in Hustler, because they're pretty entertaining in their own right. I've missed actual Playboy content because I confused it with ads. With so much advertising, you're kind of tempted to just throw the whole thing in the trash. I understand why Hustler is more expensive and you get what you pay for. It is most certainly worth paying twice as much money when the final product has three quarters of the bullshit removed.

Humor -

Playboy Party Jokes (left) VS Hustler Humor (right).
Playboy - "Playboy Party Jokes". These are a means to an end, a social lubricant to make you sound like a witty rogue when you're out and about in mixed company. Pretty funny overall.

Hustler - "Hustler Humor". These are raw, sometimes disgusting but often roaringly hilarious and socially inappropriate. You would never share your Hustler Humor jokes at a cocktail party. They're strictly for enjoyment in the privacy of your own home. You could maybe tell some of them to your mechanic, if he's a pervert.

Winner: Hustler. While sometimes distasteful, Hustler's jokes are, like, 10 times more hilarious than "Playboy's Party Jokes".

Chicks -

Playboy - These women were all models (except for cover girl Kim Kardashian - seeing as how she's trying to cram herself down the country's throats, it wouldn't surprise me one bit if she paid Playboy for the cover spot, rather than the reverse. She's just more lousy advertising). Aside from Kim Kardashian, Playboy's women are lovely, there's no denying that. There were lots of candid photos of Playboy girls cavorting with celebrities at the Playboy mansion, but only a few featured photo spreads which were padded between pages and pages of advertising and long articles.

Hustler - These women were more like girls you'd see out in a club, in your community, or in a hardcore porn movie. It was a nice mix of all three types. Furthermore, there were about twice as many featured photo spreads when compared to playboy and the photos were a lot hotter and much more pornographic. There was also one lesbian shoot and one shoot featuring full-on male/female sex. Furthermore, Hustler reviews porn movies and includes screen shots of hardcore action, even cum shots!

Winner: Totally Hustler. Totally.

Articles -

Playboy - Playboy's articles could be found in almost any magazine. Interviews with presidential candidates, personality pieces plus fiction from Stephen King and Norman Mailer.

Hustler - Hustler managed to include naked women everywhere, even in their articles. This was fine sensationalistic entertainment. Aside from the long-running "Beaver Hunt" section, Hustler just has so many wonderful features, such as their famous "Asshole of the month" (this month is Rush Limbaugh) and their more current, "What would ________ look like with a dick in her mouth"?
Winner: Hustler by a landslide. I laughed out loud and read the entire magazine in one sitting - articles and all, even the advertising. I still haven't made it through the entire Playboy and I don't plan to. I just thumb through a few times, checking out the more interesting material.

Personality -

Playboy - There was just so much advertising. While the women were gorgeous, there was just so much extra bullshit.

Hustler - Hustler managed to include naked women everywhere, even in their articles. This was fine sensationalistic entertainment. Aside from the long-running "Beaver Hunt" section, Hustler just has so many wonderful features, such as their famous "Asshole of the month" (this month is Rush Limbaugh).

Winner: Hustler by a landslide. I laughed out loud and read the entire magazine in one sitting - articles and all, even the advertising. I still haven't made it through the entire Playboy and I don't plan to. I just thumb through a few times, checking out the more interesting material.

DECEMBER, 2007's OVERALL WINNER: HUSTLER
No contest. Even though Hustler's cover price is $2 more than playboy and it has about 20 fewer pages, it has about 75 percent less bullshit and filler. I'm willing to pay a bit more for a notably superior product.

Hustler all the way!

Remembering Nick Nolte's Horrible Mugshot

2007-12-10T09:03:00.000-08:00

I stumbled across Nick Nolte's famous mugshot today:

haha - I hadn't seen that image in a long time.

I remember when he first got arrested and that picture was all over the TV. I remember like it was yesterday - I was watching the evening news with an acquaintance and that picture came on the TV and we were both like, "DAMN"!

Acquaintance: "He looks like hell! He looks like he's dead! I can't even imagine leaving the house looking like that! No matter how fucked up you are"!

RLB: "HAHA - Yeah, he must not have been in his right mind".

Acquaintance: "Nobody goes out in public looking like that under any circumstances! Except maybe Charles Bukowski".

RLB: "Yeah, Charles Bukowski probably used to go to work looking like that".

I totally forgot about that dialog, but then when I saw that horrible mugshot today, it came back to me right out of the blue, like Proust.